Life is difficult! if its not one thing getting you down its another. But there is hopefully always a silver lining. I know its been awhile since our last post, so I will try to fill it in I guess.
So since last November... hmm, well we moved because our landlord increased rent, got a nicer place but now fight a battle with roaches, and now we are house hunting!! trying to find something in our price range has proved a bit challenging. but there are a few places we really like. so that's it for apt/home side of things since last November.
Around march this year we decided that we needed to become foster parents. Currently we are at week 7 of a 10wk course to be foster parents. At the beginning of the process they told us ,"no no no," a few times before they would allow us to be trained. And those of you who were around at that time know it was hard on us. But thankfully we will be licensed in a few more weeks and could have a foster kid in another month :)
And then there is the big question ... what about biological children.... well that's up in the air at the moment. Around the beginning of June we found out that trying IVF (invitro fertilization) would only cost us around $3,000 now that i'm on Matt's insurance. When we found that out we went to the doctors to get another sperm analysis. Since Matt has been on a testosterone replacement therapy since about march, we were concerned about those results. Over a year ago we were told by the specialist that you need a natural source of testosterone to make sperm, the replacement is artificial. But in march we weren't sure what we were planning and thinking we still had to save another 10 grand for IVF, Matt went on the replacement therapy. We went to the temple and prayed about it and we knew at that time we needed to put Matt on the testosterone and try to become foster parents. Well, now in July and August IVF is affordable, and guess what we have ZERO sperm to work with... we knew that was gonna be the answer from the test but it was still a shock. So now Matt has to tapper off his testosterone, hope his body starts making what little he had before and hopefully make some swimmers again. Because Matt really wants to be a biological father.
About the beginning of June I told Matt we had to try IUI (inter uterine insemination) with-in my next two cycles. We probably would have used donor sperm. But right after that ultimatum we found out we could afford IVF. So in the chance that Matt might still be a bio dad, my hopes for a baby, and Matt's too are put off even longer. SO here's to the next four months of Matt being crabby, angry, tired, easily frustrated, and an all around bad mood as he goes through detox.. seriously i've seen him off it for three days and it wasn't pretty. And back to more crying for me. Sometimes i feel God likes to try us more than my emotions can handle. Why tell us we should do one thing then make that take away our chance for another... but then i had a thought, if Matt hadn't started testosterone and we were in our foster care classes when we learned of the cost cut for IVF, we would have stopped classes and gone right ahead with the IVF. and sure we would probably be pregnant right now, but we wouldn't be foster parents anytime soon. SO I thought maybe that is what the lord wants for us right now, he has a need for good parents for some kids out there and he needs us to be foster parents. so maybe that is the silver lining i need to cling to has all my college roommates have babies and my siblings have babies, and the whole world around me has babies, while i don't.
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